Sit down

Hands washed

Drink to the left

Notebook to the right

Elastic bands removed

No distractions

18 past

Noted

First bite

10 minutes to eat a carrot

How to start

Who will read this

What is it?

Just write and figure that out later

Humans need stories

22 past

Third bite

This carrot is pretty tasteless

Not like the ones Grandad used to grow

Smells

1.         his carrots

2.         germalene

Started so need to finish

Did I chew that too fast?

26 past

Nearly half left

Can’t be eating too fast

But it is raw

Back on track

Where was I?

Questioning the relevance of this

Self doubt

Do it and think about it later

(Bubbling)

It needs to be good

Where to start?

Honesty

If it feels right

Then go with it

This process should get easier

Clock chimes half past

Still chewing

Decision needed

To write

Or

To type?

Type it to ease

editing

Write it to please

eyesight

Escape the screen

33 changed to 34

Carrot finished

Sprinkle seeds over pasta

Glance outside

Bright day but windy

The seeds would have gone

everywhere

Loss of seeds causes havoc

Portion control

Every gram counts

I need those 32 grams

Feed the addiction

Out of sight

Manners don’t matter

Run tongue round the inside of the tupperware

Clockwise

Then the inside of the lid

None left

Time check

39

Allow 20 minutes

Penne pasta provides optimum surface area for seed coverage

Tupperware to the chin for every bite

Ensure nothing is lost

I need those 32 grams

Sounds like I’m a drug dealer

Imagine the police coming to check

Did I spill?

Check my lap

None in my skirt

None on the desk

Must have gone back in the tupperware

Miniscule amounts

Every gram counts

Weight

Eyelids drop

Feeling drained

Why do I always feel so tired?

In 1869 a neurologist called George Beard coined the term neurasthenia. It was viewed as a disease that was a direct consequence of modern life; a disease of culture as much as of the mind and body. Author of Neurasthenic Nation, David Schuster writes:

“Neurasthenia did not simply denote the presence of sickness, Beard argued it indicated the presence of an active mind, a competitive character, a lover of liberty.”

Continue chewing

A swig of water may help

Where was I?

55 past

I thought that the process would get easier

Wrong again

Expectations increase

A need to excel

Exceed what went before

Clock chimes

Top of the hour

15:05

Noted

Add time

Departure at 16:35

I stand up

To shut you up

Momentary dose

Shiver

20 past

Need to be productive

There you go again

Doing rather than being

Driving yourself into the ground

Stop

Busyness

Eases

Loneliness

A distraction from your constant demands

I need to keep up

Everyone else is busy

Doodle is an online scheduling tool that can be used quickly and easily to

find a date and time to meet with multiple people

Exhibition preview and everyone asks

What are you working on at the moment?

How to respond?

You may think that I am never at work

Truth is

I’m never away from it

Next exhibition

Big project

Gallery

Commission

Residency

I am ashamed

Embarrassed to admit

I feel the need to prove

Crave

Genuine recognition

None of the superficial stuff

I’m no good in crowds

Can’t concentrate

Too much noise

Already have too much in my head to block out Conversations all around

Try to listen to everything

Rather than one

End up hearing none

Enough